I was born that way.
I can't help it.
Example found:typewriter letter to my nana from my mom's mom circa 1990
(I was 2.5 years old)
excerpt:Katie can talk in sentences already. She can be a stubborn little thing -- gives
Adison a hard time. She should have been the boy. She sure
loves her books --
when he is at school, she will drag out about 4 or 5
of
them and sit there and
"read" aloud. Jim's feelings were really hurt
because
she still doesn't want
much to do with him. She was better than
last time;
but often when he would talk
to her she
would ignore him and
if he'd try to pick her up she'd run
or
scream.
Apparently, I've always been this way. I just don't like a lot of people. Most people, generally. Especially guys. It's funny since I told Adison at the bar, last weekend, that I don't like anyone in my class, and he said, "Yea, but Katie, you don't like anyone ever anyways." HA! I guess I pulled these same moves over on my dad when he came home from Desert Storm. I wouldn't let him touch me for months, and if he tried to take me out of my car seat, I'd scream bloody murder. I was pissed he left my mom and us when I was 2 years old. I guess I've always been a dick. Adison has a lot of tolerance cos he had to put up wif ME for a little sister. I got away with a lot. Different friends are always telling me seperately that I'm so independent, and that I'll just Do whatever I WANT to do. Fuck ya. FUCK EVERYBODY. 'cept my friends. I'm lucky to have you guys, hopefully I'm not a dick too often. I don't mean it. I'm soft, and sensitive, and girly on the inside. I think there's few people who really get me, or I have let in. Also I think nature vs nurture and experience in terms of consistent character is fascinating. I like hearing stories about what I was like when I was little. My family agrees I was a shit-head. They'll miss me when I move out though. Who am I? It's like a life long question. We're always changing.
i⋅den⋅ti⋅ty
-the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions.
-the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another.
So, to find consistencies, is identifying with your own identity.
holidays, down comforters, snow, evening, eggnog, family, cousins, dead trees, scarves, love, drunk phone calls, glitter, books, library, studying, christmas trees, cidar, chai, kissing, shopping, vinyl, new years, new hair cuts, fighting, crying, smiling.
